Lost & Found Christmas Activity

Thanks to Abby Wuellner of KY3 and the brave children and parents at Lost & Found for a wonderful story on our annual Christmas activity in which the children make angel ornaments in memory of their deceased loved one. The children hang their angel ornaments on our tree, and we have a candle lighting ceremony to honor their grief, courage, and love. It is a very meaningful activity for the holiday season.

Double click on the title of this story to link to the video that aired on television.

Tips for Helping the Bereaved cope with the Holidays.

Getting Past Christmas

1. Buy a Christmas candle and light it each day through December.
One mother remembered, "Every time that candle was lit, the whole house seemed warmer. It was my daily, silent reminder of him and it made me feel so much better!"

2. Plan your shopping ahead of time or try creative alternatives.
Try shopping earlier before all the merry shoppers are out.
Maybe instead of shopping give your beloved your loved ones treasured possesions. Enclose a card to tell why that gift was chosen for them.
Maybe just write a check, they don't get returned!

3. Enlisth the help of others in wrapping your gifts.
Friends are only too happy to help. If you don't have wrapping paper use the comic strips and attach a bow.

4. Consider changing your traditional family Christmas note.
Often just putting our thougths on papaer takes more energy than you have. Other family memebersmight add their thougths this year. You may feel good getting to talk about your family tragedy. Feel freeto include a picture of your loved one and copy of the obituary. I did this, secretly hoping people would respon by returning mail and comment on Greg's picture.

5. Give yourself permission to change family traditions.
Talk over the changes with family. Change the day, the host. This may provide less painful memories. Change the food. Maybe go out to dinner and let someone else be your chef this year.

6. Try a new idea when you areready to hang up Christmas stockings.
You want to hang them all up but feel a little strange about it. Tell your family tat through December they each will have anote card and can use ti wrtie a note to the person who is gone. These could be a few phrases or a whole paragraph, relating something funny that has happened , some accomplishment or how much that person is missed. Put each note in the stocking, deciding to either read these cards together on a special evening or just letting familytake them out to read whenever they wish. The bestplan is to make this a new family tradition by keeping the cards in the stocking from year to year...it becomes a mini-family diary!

7. Determine to do one special thing for someone else in December.
Decide who it will be, put the name on the calendar so you won't forget. Visit someone lonely. Maybe you could make or buy cookies to give away. The season is a little easier when our eyes are focused, even fora brief time, on someone else.

8. Contribute to your favorite charity in your loved one's name.
Take time to jot down a note explaining who your loved one is.
One widow came up with a fantastic ide that combines the best of these plans. She went out and bought and entire outfit that would have fit her husband. Then she went home and baked his favorite cookies and put them in a small package, around which she packed the entire outfit. Wrapping it up, she left a note on it ather local homeless mission which said, Please give to a man size 33.

9. Pamper yourself this month.
Determine to buy yourself a present. Stay in your budget.

10. Plan on taking time to cry.
It is normal to cry during the hlidays. So many sights, places, aromas and sounds are instant memory -grabbers. Because it isnt healthy to hold back emotions, schedule teartimes intor your day. Pick a certaing lenght of time to cry, ten minutes, mabye or even an hour, whatever makes you comfortable. Play some old Christmas music that easily starts those tears. set aside a clock or kitchen timer for your predetermined minutes and then cry your heart out. You'll find it's easier to face whatever lese iscoming up in December when you've had your daily time for tears.

Holiday depression is common vern when you aren't grieving. we hope these tips are helpful during this sometimes overwhelming Christmas season.

Merry Christmas from Lost and Found

Tipsby Carlene Vester Eneroth
Copyright Centering Corporation

Lost & Found Photo Exhibit

An exciting photo exhibit featuring families who receive grief support at Lost & Found, a non-profit grief center in Springfield, MO will touch your heart and help you understand the complexity of grief. These amazing photos, taken by Randy Bacon, are on display at Randy's studios on the corner of Main & College in downtown Springfield, MO. For a preview, click on the the link above.

Annual Family Picnic

The annual picnic July 23, 2009, was an evening of great food and fun. Families who participate in support groups at Lost & Found gathered with volunteers to enjoy an evening of relaxation and food. Board members Shawn Askinosie, John Gentry, Greg Huntsman, and Richard Walters grilled more than 100 hamburgers and brats.

Children enjoyed bounce houses donated by Amberg Entertainment and the Jones Family Y, as well as games directed by Y staff. The evening concluded with a balloon release in memory of loved ones.

Thanks to Springfield Grocers, Lost & Found Advisory Council members, and the ladies from Asbury United Methodist Church for donating food and drink. Thanks to our faithful volunteers for setting up, serving, and cleaning up.

A special thanks to Vivian who organized and coordinated the entire event!!

Lost & Found 2009 Charity Golf Tournament

Lost & Found's annual charity Golf Tournament was June 26 at Hickory Hills Country Club. Golfers were treated to a wonderful day of great food, drinks, golf, and fun in a 4-person scramble. After a day in the sun & heat on the course, golfers were treated to Duds 'n Suds on the terrace at Hickory, where wards were given for winners in each flight.

Thanks to presenting sponsor Joe Manzardo, Springfield Striping & Sealing, Ozarks Coca-Cola for providing drink products at various holes, and to all hole and team sponsors. We appreciate your support that helps us provide free grief support services to children.

Sign up now for the 2010 tournament. Contact Holly McGee at 417-865-9998.

The Randy Bacon Project

Recognized photographer, Randy Bacon, will unveil the Lost & Found Photo Exhibit during the August 7, 2009 FIRST FRIDAY Art Walk at his studio (Randy Bacon Photography Studio & Gallery, in the Monarch Art Factory) located at 600 W. College Street in Springfield, MO. Over 40 families receiving grief support services from Lost & Found participated in a photo exhibit to share their stories on the journey of grief. The Lost & Found support groups met in the Randy Bacon Studio for a two-week period sharing their experiences as a part of a community of grieving families and received encouragement from one another during this process.

Group activities centered on sharing pictures, mementos and memories of the deceased. Each family took part in a professional photo session with some families including pictures or special mementos of their loved one. The photo exhibition will share the stories from each family. Their personal stories and photos reflect upon their emotional struggles, steps towards healing, and embracing a new life that will be forever changed.

A special reception will be held for the participating families to honor their strength and resilience in their journey to find hope through their grief with each family receiving a framed portrait from their photo session. The reception will take place at the Randy Bacon Photography Studio & Gallery on Thursday, August 6, 2009, the evening before the unveiling of the exhibit to the community. The guests will include the participating families, photo exhibit donors and sponsors, Lost & Found volunteers and Board of Directors along with community supporters of Lost & Found.

New Adult Groups at Lost & Found

Lost & Found has added two new adult groups that continue to grow and allow us to provide grief support to a broader age range.

Young Adult Group -- Ages 18- to thirty something
This group is for young adults grieving the death of a family member. It meets the 2nd & 4th Wed. of each month in the evening. For more information, see previous posts on this blog. Also, check out the blog for that group by clicking HERE

Older Adult Group
This group is for adults grieving the death of a spouse of many years or an adult child. It meets the 1st & 3rd Wed. of each month at 1:00

If you are interested in joining us for any of our support groups, just call
417-865-9998

Young Adult Group

Our Young Adult Group, for those ages 18-30 who are grieving the death of a loved one began meeting in September. We will soon begin a combination format of face-to-face meetings, as well as sharing thoughts via the blog.

If you are interested in joining this support group, please post your comment to the question below. To learn about the actual meeting times, please call Lost & Found at 417-865-9998.

Our first topic of discussion:

The death of a loved one is difficult at any age as we struggle to adjust to the reality that the loved one is no longer with us and as we figure out how to incorporate that loss into our lives. Let's talk about what makes your loss especially difficult at this time in your life. What do you miss the most? What adjustments are you making in your life?

Young Adult Group

At Lost & Found we are always trying to think of more ways to meet the need of grieving people in the Springfield area. I'm sure the list is not only extensive, but endless. One thing we try to do is listen carefully to the people who contact us for help. We started to notice last year that we kept receiving calls asking about a college/young adult aged group. Although Lost & Found has been completely devoted to children's services, the requests became so great, that we felt as though we had to expand our services to meet the needs of the young adult population in Springfield.

With all of that said, we understand that it can be nerve racking to commit to attending a support group for grief, when all of the specifics have yet to be addressed. For this reason, we are holding an informational session at Lost & Found on September 10 at 5:30 p.m. Please come meet our staff, ask questions, and enjoy some refreshments on us.

If you have any questions or if you need directions, please contact Lost & Found at 417.865.9998. We hope to see you there!

Check out our new look!

Recently, the Conor House had some cosmetic work performed. We are excited about the new look, and wanted to make you aware of it. A special thanks to those who have made donations specifically to the Conor House project, and to those who helped with the labor. This upgrade is made possibly by so many generous people within our community. We are SO excited about this new look. We hope it feels even more comfortable and homey to those who attend our support groups.

Facilitator Training

Lost & Found is holding Facilitator Training on September 12 & 13. Perhaps you have considered volunteering as a facilitator before, or maybe you aren't exactly sure what a facilitator does-either way, this post is for you!

Groups at Lost & Found are ran by volunteers who have undergone training at Lost & Found. Facilitator training is a Friday evening (5-8:30) and a Saturday (8:30-3) where volunteers learn the history of Lost & Found, hear each other's stories of loss, and are trained in reflective listening and other skills that are important when working with grieving families. When a volunteer completes training (and observes a couple of groups), we call them a facilitator.

Facilitators really have an awesome job because they get to work with our wonderful families, have the privilege of hearing their stories, and help them work through their grief. If you would like to be a part of this rewarding experience then contact Nannette at the Lost & Found office at 417.865.9998 or by email at nannette@lostandfoundozarks.com. We would love to have you!

Eggfest Mid-America 2008

Where there's smoke...There must be a party!!!!!

You are invited to Eggstravaganza Mid-America 2008

September 27, 9 a.m. to 4 p.m.

Come and cook or just join in the fun for a day of great food, friends, and family entertainment. Show off your cooking skills, meet new friends, taste some of the best barbecue anywhere and party...party...PARTY!!!

Outdoor Home is proud to sponsor EGGstravaganza Mid-America 2008 which is being held as a charitable event. Proceeds will benefit Lost & Found.

Don't miss out! Sign up now at www.outdoorhome.com/eggfest.asp

2008 Charity Golf Tournament

For all of you who love golf-get ready! Lost & Found is hosting their fourth annual golf tournament on August 25, 2008 at Hickory Hills Country Club. This tournament is full of fun contests and competition. If you play golf, you won't want to miss it! Contact Holly McGee at the Lost & Found office to reserve your spot!

Teen Rock Climbing Night

This summer we decided that we needed an activity specifically for the Teen Group.  We started the evening with some adventure by rock climbing at Petra Rock Climbing Gym.  Petra gave us a great deal, and their staff (specifically Grace) was a huge help in teaching our Teens how to climb.

After the rock climbing adventure, we headed back to the Conor House for dinner-pizza, soda, chips and brownies.  Needless to say, the night was a hit. (How can you go wrong with rock climbing, pizza, and brownies?)

A big THANKS to everyone who helped make this night possible!

Memory Stones

During the last two weeks of group before summer break, the kids made stepping stones in memory of their loved one that died. This was the first project that the parent and children groups were combined. We used the stones that were made to help create a pathway in our new memory garden located on the north side of the Conor House. Please feel free to stop by and see the updated landscaping and pathway.

Family BBQ

Each year, Lost & Found hosts a BBQ for our families in July. This year's BBQ was off the hook. We had all hands on deck to make our BBQ fun and enjoyable for our kids and their parents. The YMCA provided an inflatable game, as well as a lot of other fun games for the kids to play, and our parents enjoyed conversing while some great volunteers cooked them dinner. We finished the night by doing a balloon release in memory of the person who died. If you didn't make it this year, don't miss it next year!

Awesome Volunteers

We are so lucky to have such stellar volunteers here at Lost & Found. Our volunteers range from executives, counselors, teachers, business men and women, stay at home parents, and even college students. The people we are so lucky to work with are willing to help out in nearly any capacity. It is through their dedication and commitment that Lost & Found is able to function and provide such important services to grieving families in the area. To all of our dedicated, amazing volunteers-THANK YOU!! We could not do it without you!

Living with Loss

Living with Loss is a new segment that will be featured on the Lost & Found blog.  Check back each week to read about someone's experience, hear how they are learning to cope with their own loss, and the ways their friends and family are supporting them.  Whether you are working through your own loss, or are trying to figure out how to be a support to someone else who has experienced a death of a loved one, these segments will hopefully enlighten and help you. 

If you would like to share your story, please email me at nannette@lostandfoundozarks.com.

Summer Break

As many of you know, the summer break at Lost & Found is quickly approaching. Groups will not be in session from June 16 until August 18. Although we will miss seeing you all through the summer, we hope you enjoy your break!

Please check out the other activities that we will be having this summer and mark your calendars! You don't want to miss these great opportunities!!

June 30, 6-9 PM: TEENS ONLY-Pizza, Petra and Party!!! (Please call the L&F office to RSVP)
July 12, 7 AM: Y Not Run (1 mile, 5K and 10K runs) Let us know if you want to run-we'll see you there!
July 15, 10AM: Family Fun Day (Hiland Springs Country Club)
July 17-20: Price Cutter Charity Championship
July 19: Price Cutter Charity Championship Fireworks (Hiland Springs at dusk)
July 24, 6-8 PM: Lost & Found Family Picnic

It Takes a Village...

Shortly after my 13th birthday, my oldest brother Craig, 21, was killed in a car accident. Immediately, my family changed. The one constant, familiar thing in my life felt unstable for the first time.    

Looking back, I realize that the survival of my immediate family was largely dependent upon the support of our close friends and extended family.  Each member of my family was dealing with Craig's death in a very individual manner, which allowed for minimal support and communication.

For the first time, that I can remember, I felt an extreme amount of tension in my home.  My dad, who is typically jovial and lighthearted, became quiet and introverted.  My mom, who is organized and efficient, cried every day for at least two years. My brother became more defiant of authority, and my sister, who was a 4.0 student, began to struggle in her classes. I was frustrated that my life had been permanently altered, and I had no control over it.  Needless to say, we were all very different.

The hardest part, aside from losing Craig, was the loss of normalcy.  Holidays, weddings, and other special celebrations were dreaded because they served as a reminder of our own loss. It felt like I had not only lost my brother, but my entire life.  

The one thing that helped me the most was the support of the Barton Family.  Jennifer Barton had been my best friend for several years prior to Craig's death. Her family was always warm and welcoming, but I never knew the extent of their love for me, or my family, until Craig died.  

Randy and Bobbie were so sensitive and perceptive about what I needed as a 14 year old.  They recognized how much things had changed in my family, and to the best of their ability, they filled in the empty places.  They never told me they understood how I felt-they listened, hugged, and cried with me.  

In addition to the emotional support they offered, they did really practical things as well.  There were countless times they gave me a ride to church, an activity, or cheerleading practice, even though it was inconvenient.  They knew my parents needed help, and they extended it-willingly and unreservedly.  They provided me with stability and support, not just for a few weeks, but months and years after Craig's death. 

It has been almost 11 years since the death of my brother, and we are making it through.  We will always miss Craig- He is an irreplaceable part of each of us, but the intensity of the grief has lessened enormously.   I remember thinking that my family might never feel normal again, but I think we finally do.  It has taken a really, really long time, but that is the nature of grief. 

I think the African proverb is right-It does take a village to raise a child-especially one who is dealing with a death in their family.  I'm forever indebted to the Barton family.  They were my safe haven, and are an irreplaceable part of my life.  

If you have a story of support, or would like to thank someone who has been there for you, please feel free to post a comment.  We would love to hear from you!